


The Anti-Abby Club

by amirlywritingfanficnow



Category: 9-1-1
Genre: Coming Out, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mentioned Buckley Parents, Protective Eddie Diaz, Protective Firefam, and he gets a lot, i forgot how much i hate tagging, idk - Freeform, not beta'd oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:28:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24431386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amirlywritingfanficnow/pseuds/amirlywritingfanficnow
Summary: "She's engaged.""On second thought, maybe hot chocolate isn't strong enough."orThe most important people in Buck's life all collectively agree that Abby sucks and Buck finally gets his happy ending and the family he deserves.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 664





	The Anti-Abby Club

**Author's Note:**

> me projecting onto buck ab being ghosted and my feelings about abby turned into 9k+ words but here's my first fic in the 911 fandom!! enjoy  
> there's nothing very triggering in here but it does talk about low self esteem, past neglect and infidelity but if there's anything else please don't hesitate to point anything out, thank u!

When Evan Buckley first started at the 118, Captain Bobby Nash knew he was going to have his hands full. He just never realized how much. He was impulsive and relied on his good looks and muscles too much. The flirting on calls, the running into things without thinking of who it could hurt, the stealing of the truck to have sex. He'd had it, that day on the roof. Any number of things could have happened because of him and he couldn't have that on his team. 

But then he used his impulsivity for good and saved two lives in the process and if it were anyone else, it probably wouldn't have been enough to be rehired, but he saw his potential and had always believed in the kid. 

The change was almost instantaneous. He was more cautious around Bobby and always did what he was told. Tried to tune down his impulsive behavior. 

The rollercoaster incident happens and Bobby starts to see the insecurity and self doubt that Buck tried hard to hide. He tries to talk to him, gives him the card for a trauma counselor because he knows that's what he needs, but he could see he was just more wrecked after the session. When Bobby asks how his second session went the next week, Buck mumbles that he's not going back and before he could ask why, the bell rings and Buck dives head first into the rescue. By the time they get back, Bobby is too busy to check in and he never gets around to asking. 

Weeks passed and he starts to notice another change in Buck. The kid is smiling more, talking and laughing again, and definitely on his phone a lot more. Whoever or whatever it was, he was just happy to see the kid he tried so hard not to think of like a son, but was failing, happy again. 

Valentines Day approaches and Bobby is being more open with his team and Chimney is back, things are good. He finally gets to meet the reason Evan Buckley is a changed man and he can't say he was expecting Abby Clark. If you asked him, he'd never admit that he felt protective of his pseudo son, but his gut feeling wasn't telling him anything good. 

Having coffee in a barely lit hospital cafeteria with the woman after she performed an emergency tracheotomy on him didn't do anything to stop that gut feeling. He couldn't shake the feeling that someone was going to get hurt from this and he was scared it'd be Buck. For as long as he'd known Buck, he'd never been in a relationship and now that he was, Bobby had noticed just how devoted he could be. 

So devoted that he didn't think about his own feelings. Falling head first and fast. Everyone knew he had a heart of gold but sometimes it could be a bad thing and he wants to tell Buck that. Tell him to be careful. 

He wishes he had. 

Abby leaves and Buck waits for her with hope that she'll be back. He's mad at the woman, protective over Buck, and wishes he'd told Buck to be careful. 

"I want her to be happy, but how long before I get to be happy, too?" 

Bobby feels his heart break a little for Buck. 

He's still learning things about Buck over a year later. Up until two weeks ago, he hadn't even known he had a sister. He hadn't known the kid was from anywhere other than LA, so it was a surprise to hear he'd grown up in Pennsylvania and had a sister. Who he felt was leaving again because she's moving ten minutes away. That didn't sit right with Bobby and he felt himself disliking Abby more and more. 

He was happy when Buck finally left Abby's place and finally realize he's been single since she left. His life was officially Abby free and Bobby could see him relax just a little. 

He'd pretty much forgotten about the woman that hurt Buck when she literally came crashing back into Buck's life. It made his blood boil when he'd admitted he was trying to save Abby's fiancé by risking his life again. It brought back so many feelings that he hadn't had the time to feel as Captain. Buck was once again doing something for her. To make her happy. Not thinking about his own life because someone who didn't deserve his care was asking too much and he'd do anything for the people he cared about. No matter how much they hurt him. 

To say he was relieved to find out he wasn't alone in his dislike of the woman would be an understatement. He was far from the only one that didn't like the ginger, he would eventually find out. 

Athena Grant hated Evan Buckley when she'd first met him but three years later and she loves him like a son. It was obvious to anyone that sentiment was the same for Buck. She'd quickly become Buck's pseudo mom and Athena cherishes how close they'd become. 

Like she was with both of her children, she was protective of the twenty eight year old. He was a good guy with a heart of gold and she became aware just how much he used that heart of gold. When he loves someone, no one else matters except them and that kid loved Abby Clark. 

He'd spent the whole day looking for Abby's mother, reassured her every step of the way and made sure she knew she had someone. The only thing that mattered to Buck was Abby and the way she ate it up is what gave Athena a bad feeling about the woman. When she'd saved his life, Buck felt as though he owed her everything. He'd answer her calls, even when he was on a call, to help her with whatever problem she had that day. He sacrificed a lot to make her happy. 

Then she leaves. 

She sees the anxious, heart broken look in his eyes for a while. It was like it was his face was permanently set that way and it makes Athena's blood boil.

She's proud of him when he finally moves out of Abby's place and starts to move on with Ali but she can tell Buck is still weary about things. He's anxious when Ali is away, once admitting when he's eight drinks in that he's scared she won't come back the way Abby hadn't. That one day she'll realize he isn't enough the way Abby realized and suddenly Athena wants to punch the former 911 operator for making Buck think so little of himself. 

After everything Buck had gone through after the ladder truck incident, Athena grows even more protective. She checks in on Buck and sometimes takes him to lunch on one of their rare days off. She treats him like her son and Buck trusts her more than anything. 

Athena isn't surprised when Buck knocks on the Grant-Nash's front door at ten o'clock at night. She is however surprised by the look of pure anxiety on his face and how tense he is. 

"Buckaroo, come in. What's going on?" 

"Bobby's still on shift, right?" He breathes out. 

"Yeah, won't be done for the next two hours. Why? Do you need me to call him?" 

"No!" He starts, panicked, before continuing in a calmer voice, "I was kind of hoping I could talk to you about something. I'm sorry if I'm imposing on anything, I should have probably called first. Just wasn't thinking about it, I'm-" 

"You aren't imposing on anything, I promise. Come sit on the couch and I'll make you some tea, okay?" She tries her best to make sure he's calm, not liking how panicked his breathing had gotten. 

"Thanks, 'Thena." 

Two cups of tea are made and sat in front of the firefighter as Athena rounds to sit next to him. "What's going on, Buckaroo?" 

She takes note in the gasp in Buck's breathing and how fast his leg had began shaking and she wishes there was anything she could do to relax him. 

"I need advice," he starts off shakily. "You know I think of you like a mom, right?" 

"And I love you like you're my son, Buck." 

Buck lets out a breath he'd been holding and smiles at Athena. "Which is why I'm scared what I'm about to ask you advice on will change the way you feel about me." 

Athena takes Buck's hand and automatically feels him squeeze it, as though trying to squeeze out the nerve to say what he has to say and it warms and breaks her heart all at once. 

"Whatever you say to me will never change how I care about you, Buck." 

"We'll see about that," Buck mumbles under his breath. "So only three people on this whole planet knows this about me and only one of them is okay with it. I hope you'll be another one. Athena, I'm- I'm bisexual."

When Buck flinches away with his whole force when Athena goes to raise her hand to wipe away the stray tear that fell from Buck's face, her blood boils and her heart breaks. He really thought she was going to hit him. 

"Sorry, sorry." 

"Don't be sorry, Buckaroo. I wasn't going to hit you, you know that?" 

She wants to punch whoever made Buck doubt he was safe enough to come out. That made him scared so bad he flinched. 

"Yeah." He lied. 

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's perfectly okay to be who you are. Thank you so much for trusting me with that, honey. You said you needed advice?" 

The force of the hug she's pulled into almost hurts but Buck is crying into her shoulder and he's all that matters. 

"Oh, Athena, I'm so screwed. I don't know how I'm gonna fix this." He huffs out. 

"Whatever it is, we'll fix it together, okay? What's going on?" 

"That's the thing, you can't fix this. I have tried so hard to fix this and nothing works." Athena grabs Buck's other hand as he starts to pull at his curls in frustration.

"What can't you fix, honey? Your sexuality? Because that doesn't need fixing, you don't need fixing, you're not broken." 

Buck snorts a little before speaking. "It's not that. Athena, my huge problem here is that I'm in love with my best friend and Maddie seems to think he feels the same but I can't tell him how I feel. I'd ruin the most amazing thing in my life, blow it all up, if I tell Eddie. Hell, I wasn't even sure I was going to be able to tell you about my sexuality so how the hell would I be able to tell him I was in love with him? And, shit, even if he does feel the same way, he's just going to realize that I'm not worth it like literally every other person in my life and I will lose him and Christopher. Shit, shit, shit!" 

Buck grabs a pillow, puts it on his lap and the only word Athena could use to describe the noise that Buck lets out is a wail. It's just a one time thing, he doesn't let out anymore heart wrenching noises but she can tell he's scared to look at her. Scared he'll find something other than love and acceptance and not for the first time she thinks she hates that people made him feel this way. 

"Buckaroo, now you listen to me. You are more than worth it. You have so much worth and the whole one eighteen feel the same way I do. Eddie feels the way I do. I can't tell you for sure that Eddie feels the same but I would put a lot of money on a bet that he does, okay? I'm a police sergeant, I know to look at things not many people usually notice and I notice how he looks at you-"

"I can't even think about telling him I'm bisexual, how do you think I can tell him that I have big non platonic, scary scary feelings for him?" 

It sounds like the statement should have had a bite behind the words but all Athena hears is panic and heartbreak. 

"I'm not saying you need to tell him anything before you're ready. I'm saying that when you are ready, it'll be okay. Has Eddie ever given you a reason to think it wouldn't be okay?" 

"No." 

"Good. Focus on that." She starts. "You have all of us, this big family, that love you and would never leave you. We felt that emptiness once without you and it's whole again now that you're back with us. I'm sorry if we ever have you a reason to doubt our love. No one is gonna leave you again, not in this family." 

She pulls the firefighter in for yet another hug and sends a curse to wherever Abby Clark and anyone else who made Evan Buckley feel not enough. 

Buck seemed to be at the forefront of her mind for a while after that but work got busy with the case she'd been trying to crack and that was all she could think about. Then she gets the living shit beat out of her and she has the hospital and healing to focus on. When he visited her in the hospital she'd noticed the bags under his eyes and he had definitely lost weight. She knew he'd taken Red's death hard, but it was just now hitting her just how hard. She thinks back to their conversation a few weeks back and the few occasions where he let down his walls for his family to see and sees the clear signs of abandonment and trust issues. She may have a strong dislike for the 911 operator that is Abby Clark but she hadn't started it. Never made it better, only made it worse, but she knows it's way more deep routed than that.

She can't help but worry for him. 

So when her husband comes up after a shift from hell and mentions that Abby was back with a fiancé that Buck had just risked his life more than usual to save, she texts him. 

"Are you okay?" 

Maddie Buckley had never liked Abby. She'd never met her but she had been wary from the start. She knew her brother loved with his whole heart, she could tell that's what was happening when she'd first arrived in LA. He was loving her with everything he had and she was in Ireland loving other men. 

She could see why he'd hold out hope for so long. He definitely did not have the most healthy of relationships to look up to. Their father had cheated on his mother more times they could both count on their hands and feet, yet their mother always stayed. Never left. She held out hope for so long. Then there was her with Doug. 

It's really not the same thing but she'd stayed for so long and didn't get out for years. She jeopardized her relationship with her little brother. She'd left him behind again, after promising she wouldn't. 

She'd always thought that even though her parents weren't bad people, they were bad parents but the more she thinks about how different Buck and her had it growing up, you'd have to be a bad person to not absolutely adore her baby brother as much as she had. At ten years old she was taking care of a toddler because her parents hadn't cared about, and this is in her dads words, the mistake. 

The problems they both had with their parents she'd think Buck would learn to be careful but she really couldn't blame him either. He was practically raised by his sister, the sister who left him for college in the years that he'd learn the most. 

From all the coldness in her brother's life, it didn't make him cold and Maddie will forever be grateful for that. 

She meets his new family, the 118. She watched as Bobby and him cooked together, sees the genuine bond they had and it warmed her heart to see her brother so happy. She watches as Eddie walks up and bumps their shoulders together and does not miss the shy smile on her brother's face. She notices the look from childhood and Buck's teenage years. He had a crush, she knew it. He definitely didn't. 

She brings it up when he's talking about the Chris situation. She teases him about his boy crush on Eddie all the while trying to bring up the Abby of it all but like every time she tries, he deflects. 

It was another thing that made Maddie mad about Abby. She left him, ghosted him, made excuses, and she knows her brother. He's blaming himself and he's embarrassed so whenever Abby is mentioned, he brushes it off. Tries to act like it's not bothering him. Changes the subject to get away from not only his failing relationship, but the topic of Eddie. 

"Are you out to anyone at the 118?" She finds herself asking one night, three glasses of wine down and in the middle of a fourth. She hadn't meant to blurt it out, really, but it had been bothering her. 

"I haven't come out to anyone since I told you, mom, and dad." He admits, cheeks tinted with pink due to the alcohol and the sudden attention of his sexuality. 

"Evan, you know they wouldn't react badly, right? They love you. It's obvious how much they love you. It's not something you should hide, Buck." 

"It's not like I'm ashamed, Mads, but you don't understand just how hard coming out was the first time and it went horribly if you can remember." His jaw clenches at the memory and Maddie goes to grab his hand. "I'm not there yet. I'm not ready to face that sort of reaction again. For my family to look at me different again." 

Her heart breaks at the crack in his voice and she hates that he's right. She didn't understand. She didn't have to worry about being treated differently because of who she is and she saw first hand just how petrified he was when he came out. She saw how hurt he truly was when their parents reacted in the worst way possible, words of hatred that should never be said to anyone let alone to a child by their parents. 

She gets why he's hesitant and doesn't bring it up again. He'll tell them when he's ready, whenever that may be. 

That happens to be three weeks later, and to Athena. She can't say she's shocked. Buck saw her as a mother figure and knew he'd trusted her with his life and if he'd come out to anyone else, it makes sense that it'd be her. She can't say her heart doesn't break more when he comes to her in tears of relief that at least Athena was okay with him. It breaks even more when he puts his walls up again the second she tries to bring up Eddie. 

"He'll get tired of me and leave me. They always do." He spits out in response to Maddie's pushing. 

"Abby leaving was not your fault." She whispered. "I know I haven't spent much personal time with Eddie but I see him around you. He cares about you too much to leave." 

At the mention of Abby, Buck shuts down completely and Maddie hates herself for bringing her up. It had been the first night in a while that Buck had gone to her and she ruined it by bringing the redhead up. He left her place in a hurry, apologizing and made up a reason to leave. She really did not like Abby. Couldn't stand how much she'd hurt her little brother. 

She wasn't there when they met, knows she had to be a nice person for her brother to fall so hard for her. Knows she helped her brother become a better version of himself, guided him on a better path but in the end, to Maddie, it didn't matter. She still ended up hurting him, and though she wasn't there before, she was there now and she was going to make it up to him. She would never leave him again. 

She got to promise him a few weeks later. Red had just passed away and the look of doom on Buck's face when he mentioned that all Red had was the job in the end has her breathless. When he asks if his devotion to making Red's last day on earth special makes him selfish she wants to scream. She immediately regrets the maybe that falls from her mouth but goes forward anyway. He was the most selfless person she would ever meet and she wished people hadn't told him differently. 

She hadn't truly realized just how far Buck's abandonment issues went until then. They spent the entire night talking after she promised she was there for good and she really truly learned just how deep it went. Their parents, herself, Ali, Abby. Once he'd finally let the floodgates open about Abby, he couldn't stop. The not knowing why she left keeps him up at night no matter how over her he is. If there is no reason for leaving, he must be the problem. He always is. No amount of reassurance that he's not the problem gets through to him that night and when she finally goes home the next afternoon, she finally breaks down herself. Chimney is holding her the second a tear falls and she couldn't thank Buck enough for bringing them together. All she could get out between her cries were Buck's name and deserving better and Chimney holds her through it all. 

When Buck asks her why Chimney would hug him randomly at work with a knowing look on his face, she shrugs but pulls him into a hug herself. 

Then a train wreck happens and the news is turned on at the dispatch center to the live coverage when she sees a firefighter descending down an unstable train car. She sees his turnout coat immediately and with Josh gasping next to her, she knows he sees it too. 

She watches as the rescue ends up successful but that lump is still in her throat, thinking about the last time she stood there watching her brother on the news. 

It's still there when she gets a text from Chimney. 

She drives to Buck's apartment instead of her own on impulse. She doesn't even realize she's doing it until she makes the right into his complex. He's not back yet, doesn't expect him to be back for a while so she raids his cabinets and prays he has what she's looking for. 

She wakes up to Buck's door opening and rubs the sleep out of her eyes, trying not to scare her brother in the process. 

"Maddie? What are you doing here? Are you-" He pauses as his eyes land on the table and he suddenly realizes why she's here. "The break up kit." 

"I remember when Ryan broke up with me in freshman year, you made us hot chocolate and put on A Land Before Time and you said that boys suck and that I'd find the one someday. It was a simple gesture but it made me feel better and hopeful. You did it again when I broke up with Doug for the first time and I realized tonight that you never got to feel the power of 'The Break Up Kit' so I hope you're up for it?" 

Instead of a verbal answer, Buck pulls Maddie into his arms and holds on tight. She holds even tighter and lets him take comfort in her hugs. He pulls back after a while and only says "let's see if it works" before he grabs the mug of hot chocolate and sits, immediately leaning into Maddie when she sits next to him. 

"She's engaged." 

"On second thought, maybe hot chocolate isn't strong enough." 

Buck bursts into a fight of laughter, a hint of a cry mixed in, and pulls Maddie in again. "Thank you."

Her heart soars at the sincerity in his words and just squeezes tighter, focus now on their movie and neither moves when their phone goes off. 

When Maddie wakes up again, Buck is knocked out on her shoulder and the title screen is on. She's shocked to see it was 3am. She's even more shocked when her phone lights up again. With a text from Eddie. 

"Is Buck okay?" 

Christopher was observant, just as observant as his father and Eddie is wondering the same thing. It'd been two days since the train wreck and Buck had finally came around to the Diaz household after two days of isolating himself. He had a smile on his face the whole time he was with Christopher but the Diaz boys could tell something was up. 

Eddie knew what was up, though, and he wanted to say a few words to the woman that hurt his best friend. 

The shock on Buck's face when he saw Abby talking to Eddie was pure disbelief. Eddie had been shocked, too. But the look on his face when she said she was looking for her fiancé was an expression of pure hurt. He had physically stepped back like he was struck and it took all of Eddie's training to refrain from saying those few words in the middle of a train wreck. They didn't have time for that. 

He hadn't ever really had an opinion on Abby. She had already been gone a month when he'd joined the 118, he'd heard about her through Chimney in passing, just that Buck and Abby had broken up. 

The closer him and Buck got, though, the more he realized he had a dislike for someone he'd never even met. 

He'd noticed that even though he claimed they were still together, he refused to talk about her when someone brought her up. The conversation of Abby Clark seemed to only make Buck anxious and he couldn't figure out why he was still waiting. She didn't deserve it. 

Evan Buckley was the definition of sunshine and loyalty, proving that from the second he'd seen his face light up at the mention of his son. Offering to drive Eddie to pick him up and immediately gaining the approval of his son. 

He'd helped him out in a way he never thought possible by bringing Carla into his life, always made sure Christopher had help and always helped Eddie feel less....stuck. 

He didn't deserve to be left in the dark like that. 

Buck made Eddie feel a way he hadn't in a really long time. Not since before Shannon left. He felt safe. Buck always made him feel safe. He had Eddie's back through and through and there's no better friend he could have. 

When Buck had talked Lola down from blowing up her whole life, Eddie could hear the entire thing and he just wants to grab Buck by his shoulders and scream that he deserved better than to not know. Tell him that anyone who could leave him without a word does not deserve him. 

When he finally leaves Abby's apartment and accepts that she's not coming back, Eddie doesn't think about her. It's not hard to forget about her, Buck never brings it up and soon Abby Clark is a ghost to everyone in the firehouse. Not just to Buck. 

But ghosts linger. Eddie knows that all too well. 

The first time he thinks about Abby again is when he's out with the team after a long shift. Athena and Maddie are there, too and it's a relaxing atmosphere which is something they all needed. 

Eddie keeps his eye on Buck the entire night. He was uncharacteristically quiet and he's on his fifth beer when Athena brings it up. All she gets in response is a smile and a nod before flagging down the bar tender and ordered another one. 

"Maybe you should slow down there, buddy." Eddie speaks up when he's halfway through the sixth beer but it does nothing for Buck and doesn't stop him from ordering a seventh. Maddie's watching him warily, sometimes opening her mouth to say something and then shutting it before anything can come out. 

Eddie officially cuts him off after his eighth beer when Buck tries to order his ninth. Something was definitely wrong, the whole team could see it, but Buck just assured he was fine through slurred speech. 

Buck stands up to go to the bathroom and stumbles, Eddie only just getting to him in time before he could hit the ground. 

"Alright, that's it, I'm taking you home." 

Bobby, the only sober one out of all of them, offers to drive Buck home when Buck mumbles, "I don't have a home." 

He knows he's still staying with Maddie but struggling to stay there after the Doug of it all. He'd spent a few nights at Eddie's, much to Christopher's happiness, so he tells Bobby to just take them to his. 

Athena leaves with them all because Buck asked her to. She helps him into the back of the car, Eddie sliding in right next to him and lets Buck lay his head on his lap. 

It's a quiet ride for the most part. They think Buck's asleep until he breaks the silence with a sob. 

"Buck?"

All Buck could muster in response is a shake of his head as he continues to cry in his lap. Eddie automatically starts running his fingers through Buck's hair, something he'd use with Christopher after Shannon had left or whenever he'd have nightmares. It always calmed him down so he prayed it'd work for the drunk Buck in his lap. 

Bobby and Eddie help Buck into the house, Athena following close behind and place him on the couch. Eddie instantly goes to grab pillows and a blanket for Buck like always while Bobby went to get him a glass of water. 

He comes back in the middle of a conversation with Athena and he stomach twists in a way it never has and his heart hurts. 

"Ali went to New York today and every time she's away I'm scared she's gonna realize I'm not worth it and just stay away. Abby did." 

Any words after that are muffled by the couch, no one but Athena catching the rest. Before anyone can respond, however, he's out like a light. 

Eddie doesn't get any sleep that night. His mind just keeps replaying Buck's words and he wants to do anything he can to let Buck know that he's worth it but he's never been good with words. So when Shannon drops off Christopher, he warns him that Buck isn't feeling too great and he needed to be quiet but when he woke up, they'd watch a movie if Buck was up for it. Time with Christopher had always been something that could make Buck smile since he's entered their lives and while he couldn't find the words to make Buck understand, he could do his best to cheer him up. 

The next day when they're back on shift, Buck ignores the looks of concern and avoids Bobby the best he can and after that, no one brings it up. It's like it never happened, but Eddie just couldn't stop thinking about it. 

He's sitting next to Buck on the couch four days later, enjoying their downtime while they had it, and he sees Buck's screen. He's on Instagram, the page he's on is Abby's and Eddie feels that ball of anger for a person he's never met again. 

That's as far as it goes in thinking about her, though. Shannon dies and that's what consumes his thoughts in those weeks. Anger and sadness courses through him for weeks. Angry that she promised she wouldn't leave again and then she's asking for a divorce after Eddie finally accepted he'd wanted her back in his life as well as Chris'. Sad someone he loved was gone in the blink of an eye, sad for Christopher losing his mother. Angry with his parents for trying to get him to leave because they think he's doing only a subpar job at being a father without them near by. 

He's angry for a while after that. Buck helped out a lot with Christopher and as an emotional sounding board for the two of them and he couldn't be more grateful. He'd gotten used to Buck checking in, helping Christopher with things he needed, making sure they both ate. He'd become a constant in their lives. 

Then Buck gets pinned under a ladder truck that blows up and Eddie is so scared he's going to lose him. 

He's there for him the second time he wakes up, Christopher refusing to leave the room until his Buck woke up again. It'd been a day and a half and Christopher is a wreck and if Eddie was being honest, he wasn't any better. 

He's on shift when Buck gets released so he couldn't be there then but he sent a text of encouragement and a promise to stop by on his way home. His heart hurts when Hen states that things were getting back to normal when Bobby comes back and Eddie can't help but to think it wouldn't be normal until Buck was back. 

He's there for his physical therapy, and the panic attack after his third PT meeting when he feels like he's made no progress. He's there along side Maddie, Bobby and Athena when Maddie is worried that he's not answering his phone. He's there for most of Buck's recovery. 

The whole process, he made sure to be there. But the fact that his parents never showed after getting pinned by a ladder truck, a headline he knows made national news, left him with a weird feeling. He may have not seen eye to eye with his parents sometimes but he knows that if he'd been hurt as bad as Buck had, they'd be there in an instant. 

So where were Buck's parents? 

He didn't even know if they were alive, he didn't know anything about the Buckley's before joining the 118. Buck never talked about them or Pennsylvania. He'd clam up when Maddie would even mention their parents in front of the team and whenever he did talk about childhood memories, it was always only with Maddie. 

Then they don't show when Buck has a pulmonary embolism, almost dying again, and he just feels sad. 

Buck doesn't leave his bed for a week. He tries to reach out but never gets anything back. 

Hen's words hit him like a ton of bricks. 

"Who does Buck have?" 

Bobby was right, Buck had the team, but did he know that? Did he truly believe it? Abby comes to front of his mind for a second and then to his parents before he makes up his mind. 

He brings Chris over and gets Buck out of his bed, not without a fight but he still got him out of his bed. 

Then he almost loses both of them to a fucking Tsunami he selfishly asks when he could get a break and then thinks about how badly the world needs to give Evan Buckley a break. 

Eddie leaves Christopher with Buck, knowing the two could help each other. Chris knowing that Buck is okay and Buck getting the opportunity to know the same thing, and that letting it sink in that he was okay because of Buck. 

Then Buck files the stupid lawsuit and Chris is having nightmares and he's angry. He has so much pent up rage it explodes and he can't reach out to Buck and he's just so mad. At Buck, at the lawyer who brings up extremely personal information that Buck gave them, at himself because he can't help Christopher who just keeps asking for Buck. 

Lena gives him an outlet. Street fighting. He gets out his aggression, at least for a little and he ends up bruised like crazy but it's still an outlet. 

He's angry that Buck isn't seeing anything but his own side. He's angry that Buck left him after everything. He's angry that he's heartbroken and he's angry that he loves Buck. 

Buck comes back to work and Eddie is still so angry that when Buck tries to apologize, he can't help but explode again. 

Then Buck explains and he relates more than he wants to admit and God, he missed Buck so much. He forgives him, they hug and it hurts but it feels good to be in his arms again. 

He tries to ignore the pure disbelief in Buck's eye when he invites him over a couple of days later. It's been three days and Buck is walking on eggshells around Eddie, like he doesn't believe Eddie wants him in his life again and the big part of Eddie's heart that loves Buck wants to reassure him that he doesn't have to. But he's still angry inside and that stops him. Not angry at Buck, not anymore. He knows he's sorry and he knows he loves Christopher like his own and wouldn't leave again. He's just angry and it won't go away. 

Things go back to normal. Eddie is in therapy, Christopher's nightmares have gotten under control and the three of them fall back into the swing of things like the lawsuit didn't even happen. 

Then Eddie almost dies and he knows he's in love with Evan Buckley and wants him in his life forever. He saw the footage after everything, Carla right next to him as he watches Buck fall apart on live TV. 

"You love him." He turns his head and wasn't expecting to see a teary eyed Carla. 

"Yeah." 

"He loves you, too, ya know? He deserves someone like you. You deserve each other." 

"I don't know, Carla. Even if he loved me back, do I really deserve someone as good as him?" 

"He fits right into your life like a missing puzzle piece, Eddie. You're a good man, and that's what he needs. I haven't seen him so happy and content around anyone since Abby." 

Eddie's face twitches in displeasure when Carla mentions Abby. 

"Oh, is Abby a tough subject for you too?" There's a teasing tone in Carla's voice and it makes him laugh. 

"She was your friend, I'm not about to talk to you about how feel about her to a friend of hers." 

"She was my friend, yes, but so is Buck and I hate how Abby handled everything." 

Eddie scoffed. "She didn't." 

"Didn't what?" 

"Handle everything. I don't know her, I've never met her but I know it's fucked with Buck's head not knowing. I know she left after her mom died, but it's not fair to leave someone in the dark like that, so no, she didn't handle anything." He huffs after his rant and turns back to Carla. "Sorry." 

"Don't be. I'm happy Buck has you in his life." She smiles. "I'm happy you have him." 

"I'm happy, too." He realizes how true that statement really is. His near death experience brought back memories he wished to forget but even after going through hell and back four days ago, he was completely content with the family in his team and his own little family with Buck and Christopher. 

Red comes into Buck's life and that brings a lot of things to light for Eddie. Things he noticed before comes back to the forefront of his mind as Buck looks for reassurance that his family wasn't leaving him. 

He's scared and Eddie knows that his reassurance that what happened to Red wouldn't happen to them goes in one ear and out the other because people leaving is all he seems to know. He was there in the aftermath of Abby, he was there when Buck emotionlessly stated that Ali left, and he was there when he panicked that Maddie moving ten minutes away meant she was leaving again. 

He thinks maybe the Abby of it all hits a little close to home because of Shannon leaving without a word, because he'd never felt such displeasure for a person he'd never met before. He'd admit he felt bad for feeling that way but he couldn't stop the feeling he'd get whenever he was reminded of Abby. Jealousy was there, he admits. But it's not just jealousy. He hates when the ones he loves are hurting and Buck is definitely a person he loves. He's protective by nature. As a father, as a firefighter, he fought for his country. It's in his blood to be protective. 

So when Abby comes crashing back into his life and Buck offers to risk his life again to get her fiancé back to her, he can't help the disdain and jealousy in his voice when he says her name. He sides with Bobby because he couldn't see Buck get hurt again. 

In the end, everything turns out okay, but he's filled with anger in the presence of Abby. He's on duty, he keeps his face neutral as they watch Sam being loaded into the ambulance and he steps in front of Buck just a little when Abby thanks him. 

"You okay?" 

Buck swallows. "What's next?" 

He doesn't get a chance to talk to Buck after that, and even if he had, there was no way Buck would have talked to him so he heads home and tries to sleep. He texts Buck twice and then he texts Maddie three hours after trying to sleep, hoping he's with her and she can settle his mind. 

'He will be ❤️' 

When Buck comes by two days after, Eddie makes sure to hug him a little longer and he sees Chris do the same and his heart beats out of his chest because Chris just knows. 

After a few games and a movie, Buck speaks up. 

"She wants to meet up." 

Eddie tries to stop the twitch in his eye. "Are you going?" 

She didn't deserve Buck's forgiveness, but Buck deserved answers so he'll bite his tongue like always when it came to Abby and support whatever his best friend decided. 

"I have to know. I need answers." Buck lets out a shaky breath and that's all Eddie needs to take a step forward and place a hand on his shoulder in support. He noticed physical contact grounds Buck more than words ever could. "I just don't know how I'll take it if I'm the reason she gave up on us." 

"You are not the reason she left, Buck. I get that she left because her mom died, but she didn't have to leave you in the dark the way she did, okay? You are not the reason she didn't come back." He tries to get Buck to look him in the eyes, the way he did when he told him that he trusts him with his son more than anyone, and he hates the uncertainty in his eyes. "Do you hear me, man? You're not the reason." 

"Yeah." He can tell Buck still doesn't believe him, and hell, Eddie doesn't know if he ever will but he'll do whatever it takes to try to get him to understand just how important he is. 

Neither brings up Abby again until a week later when Buck tells him he's meeting with her. Selfishly Eddie gets upset that he won't have his best friend next to him when he sends Chris off to camp because of Abby, but he knows Buck needs that closure. 

Buck walks into his house five hours later and says nothing, just accepts the beer Eddie hands him and sits closer than usual on the couch. Knowing words won't matter to Buck, he grabs Buck's hand instead. He physically feels Buck relax when their hands connect and something about it just feels so right. So very right. 

When Buck says nothing about his meet up with Abby, he figures it couldn't have gone well and grows more suspicious when Chimney tries to bring it up and doesn't get the whole question out before Buck abruptly leaves. 

He's in a sour mood after that and the whole team is about to explode with curiosity and concern. When Hen invites them over for a barbecue Buck tries to decline but falters when Eddie grabs his arm and whispers "please come." 

His mood doesn't brighten at Hen's and he's about to explode from all the reasons he could possibly be so sour, all of them making him more and more protective of the human golden retriever. He can't imagine Abby would even tell him that he's at fault when he shouldn't and isn't at fault but she said something to him to make him feel this way and he's filled with disdain and displeasure. 

He prays that Maddie would at least know something as he walks up to her when Buck walks away. 

"What is with him?" He blurts out instead of greeting her. "Has he told you what happened with Abby?" 

He doesn't miss the knowing look on Maddie's face before she sighs. "He won't tell me. He flees the area whenever I try to bring it up. I'm surprised he didn't tell you, though." 

"I wish he would tell me. All that I can think about is what could have possibly went down, ya know? I promised him it wasn't his fault that she gave up on them and I can't stop thinking that she said something to make him think otherwise. I don't know Abby like the rest of the team did but I do know that Buck loved her and she left and I can't help but be pissed at her for ever hurting Buck in the first place." 

"I wasn't there when Abby first left but I was there in the aftermath of it. I stayed in her apartment with Buck when I first came here and I had to watch him come to the realization that she wasn't coming back and I have resentment for her because of that. I'm not innocent, I've left Buck twice-" 

"You came back, though. She didn't." He'd noticed Maddie start to tear up and jumped to reassure her. "I've had resentment for her since I realized she could just leave behind a man as amazing as Buck without an explanation. I always felt weird for the resentment since I'd never met her but now that I have, I think my resentment is justified and so is yours." 

"Are we talking about Abby?" Hen and Chimney appear next to them. He looks to the corner and sees Buck sitting with Athena and looks back to the rest. 

"Yeah. How do you guys feel about her?" They were the two that had actually known Abby when Buck was with her. 

"I think she messed up and doesn't deserve Buck's forgiveness. He did a lot for her in their relationship and it always seemed like a one way street and she went and ghosted on him. Only to come back with a fiancé. She shouldn't have gotten to move on if she never gave Buck the chance to either." Hen's voice is sharp and Eddie thinks he'd hate to be Abby if Hen ever got to see her. 

"I didn't have any problem with her until she stopped responding to Buck, honestly. I didn't have any intuition about her but ghosting on someone is not the way to end things, especially with someone that treated you and made you a priority so, yeah, I don't like her." 

"She changed me." 

The four jump at the voice behind them and turn to see Buck, expression unreadable. 

"Buck..." 

Buck just shakes his head and puts his hand out to stop Maddie before she could finish. 

"She helped me onto a better path, she changed me and helped me to be better. I liked who I was with her, you know?" 

Chimney sighs. "I'm sorry, Buckaroo." 

"I'm not." Hen steps up. "She hurt you and we saw what it did to you. You can forgive her, but I'm your friend, Buck, so I get to hold a grudge."

It's quiet for a minute as Buck looks anywhere but at his family before he speaks up. "She said she was sorry that I had to find out about her fiancé the way I did." 

Eddie can't help the clench of his fists as the anger sets in again. "That's what she's sorry for? Fuck that!" 

"I said that, too." Buck chuckles. "She said that she found herself again, that she found the person she was before she became 'the caretaker'. I asked her when she knew she wasn't coming back, if she knew she was leaving for good when we were saying goodbye at the airport. She said she thought she was going to come back but the longer she was away, she couldn't come back. Like, she said she left to find herself and I think there's no problem taking to time to yourself to find out who you are but the reason she couldn't come back to me is because if she had, she thinks she'd slip right back to being the caretaker, which what the fuck? How is that supposed to make me feel, ya know? Like was I just another person in her life to take care of? Do you know fucking little that made me feel? How stupid it made me feel? I'm mad, okay? I'm so mad. I spent so long holding onto hope that she'd come back even when I knew deep down she wasn't and it sucks that I feel like I don't have the right to be mad because she made me a better man. I hate that I'm mad right now because I need to forgive her. I asked for closure and I got it so why am I so mad?" 

His breathing is uneven when he finishes his rant and he's crying but Eddie can physically see a weight lift front his shoulders, his body seemingly relaxing in the company of his family. 

Bobby squeezes Buck's shoulder in show of support and comfort. "You have every right to be mad, kid." 

Eddie speaks up before Bobby can say anything else. He doesn't think about what he's going to say before he says it because he's feeling so much and he just wants Buck to understand how truly loved he is so he just dives right in. 

"I didn't know you before you met Abby, I wasn't there to witness who you were but the man you are now, I wouldn't change for anything, okay? I can't stand here and let you give Abby credit for that, though. You loved her, man, and she showed you what it feels like to love from what you've told me but the man you are today is not all because of her. You're so much more than you think of yourself. You're so passionate about what you do and you have helped so many people in and out of uniform, me and my son included. You care so much about all of us and if one of us isn't okay, you're there in a heartbeat no matter what you're doing or going through. You're always there for Christopher if he needs anything and you love that kid like he's your own and that's all I need for my kid. To have someone as amazing as you in his life. You light up every room you walk in, you're a human golden retriever, man. You're so fucking important to me. To all of us. I don't tell you enough just how much I appreciate you and need you in my life and that I'm never going to leave." 

They're all staring at him now, besides Buck, who is staring at the ground with a small smile on his face, so Eddie counts that as a win. He has so much more to say and now he doesn't think he can go another day without saying it, but it can wait until they're alone. 

"I love you." 

Buck almost chokes on literal air. Eddie is standing in front of him in front of Buck's apartment. After his tangent, the team spent the evening making sure Buck knew how important he was and for the first time in maybe years, he feels light. 

After the night ends and people start heading home, Eddie drives Buck home and the car ride between the two is a comfortable silence that Buck missed so much. He doesn't wanna get out of Eddie's truck when they pull up until Eddie invites himself in. Their hands touch when they walk up the stairs and it's happened hundreds of times before but this time things feel different and Buck can't figure out why. 

Until Eddie grabs Buck's shoulder to stop him, finds his eyes and whispers those three words. 

"I don't know if you feel the same way, I don't even know if you like men, but Buck? You're it for me and Christopher. We're not going anywhere." 

Buck can't describe the pure relief that went through his body. Eddie loved him back. He loved Buck and for the first time in years, Buck believes that they won't leave. 

"I love you, too." He chokes out and they fall into place. 

A week, some introspection and a lot of kissing later, Buck's surrounded by his family and everyone is happy and he finally feels at peace. He's finally letting go of the anger and the loneliness of the last two years and he's learning to accept that no matter what, he'll always have this family. 

He's staring out into the yard next to Bobby, just watching Eddie and Christopher dance. His boys. He turns to Bobby after a while and says something he'd been meaning to for weeks.

"Hey, um. I just wanted to apologize. For the train."

"Look, it's alright. We both got a little hot. You doing okay?" 

Buck looks back at Eddie and Chris and grins. 

"Yeah. I think I am."

**Author's Note:**

> so there's that! i love evan buckley and so does the firefam and i haven't slept in 36 hours so i'm a mess 
> 
> PLEASE COMMENT AND KUDOS, it means a lot to hear what u think considering how nervous i am to actually post this!


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